Episode 214: Nicole Zasowski

 

 

I welcome my friend Nicole Zasowski back to the table. She first joined me back on episode 161. If you haven’t listened to that one, I highly recommend it especially if you have walked through any type of change or loss that was really hard. Nicole is a Marriage and Family Therapist and recently published a book called From Lost to Found: Giving Up What You Think You Want For What Will Set You Free and it is a beautiful and helpful book.

For this episode, I pulled out a chapter in her book on relationships and talk about how to be a good partner by moving away from a dependent or independent stance to one of interdependence. We talk about how we are responsible for being loving in our relationships but not responsible for making someone feel loved. And we spend some time unpacking what it looks like to self-regulate the emotions you feel in a relationship and how to figure out what your best self looks like so that you can show up as that person.

 
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Links mentioned:

Survival Kit:

Takeaways:

  • It’s easy to take responsibility for how someone else feels. We are responsible for being loving and how we show up in a relationship. We are responsible for our own feelings and how we steward those. We can’t eradicate pain from our lives but we have a choice about what we do with that feeling. We can be destructive or we can regulate it by speaking truth to it. There is a difference between a feeling being real and a feeling being true.

  • If we are not taking responsibility for speaking to that pain ourselves no amount of affirmation on the outside will heal the wounds we carry on the inside.

  • When you experience painful emotions, be curious. What primary emotions do i experience? What triggers me? What wounds have caused me to believe that? Speak truth to those feelings

Discussion Questions:

  • Have you ever felt like you have relied on someone else to feel significant and secure? What did that look like?

  • What things trigger you to lean towards a dependent or independent stance towards someone?

  • What truth can you speak to that false belief about yourself and others in those moments?

  • Nicole talked about when you face hard moments in your marriage, be curious and ask: How is the this situation asking me to grow? What would it look like to ask that question?

  • What does your best self look like?

  • How do you want to show up?

  • What do you need to be telling yourself in those moments so that you can show up as your best self

  • What would it look like to bring your best self to the table?

(Amazon affiliate links used when possible--purchasing through these links is an easy way to support the show. Or shop using www.SurvivingSarah.com/amazon and a portion of the what you buy will go back to the show.)

Connect with Nicole:  Instagram // Website // Facebook // twitter

What did you enjoy about this episode? What was your takeaway. Let's continue the conversation on Instagram or Twitter.

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Podcast, Parenting, emotions, Relationshipssarah bragg