Episode 243: Jeff & André Shinabarger

I am so happy to welcome Jeff and André Shinabarger to the show today. They recently completed the largest research study on working married couples in the U.S. and spent the last few years interviewing couples who want to stay in love, change the world and raise a healthy family. (They even started this journey traveling in an Airstream!)

They asked this question of 100 working couples across a multitude of industries, including professional athletes and artists, entrepreneurs and CEOs, fashion icons and church leaders, while simultaneously surveying 1600 working professionals in partnership with Barna Research: Is It Possible To Change The World, Stay In Love And Raise A Healthy Family?

They share not only the results of the survey but also stories from their own lives in their new book Love or Work. I have to say that I don’t tend to like marriage books but this one is a must read. I wish I had read it years ago earlier in our marriage. They are vulnerable, candid and address real tensions in honest ways. In this episode, we talk about what helps them stay in love when you grow and evolve over time, how to navigate the tension between work and raising kids and how that affects your relationship. They also share what helps them communicate with other each.

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Links mentioned:

• Their book: Love or Work: Is It Possible to Change the World, Stay in Love, and Raise a Healthy Family?

• Plywood People

Survival Kit:

• Her bike

• Walking together every day

• Meditation

Takeaways:

• To stay in love, remain curious about each other and love that person as an individual. And in order to value each other as individuals you are choosing to not be selfish.

• It is so important to hold a posture of curiosity towards each other.

• We have to figure out a way to fall in love with your partner’s purpose.

• It’s vital to set aside time to communicate with each other. Ask: what do I need? what do I want? what is going right in this season? what is not working in this season?

• 4/4/4 principle: 4 hours to her, 4 hours to him, 4 hours together

Discussion Questions:

• What helps you stay connected or in love?

• In what ways has (or could have) having a posture of curiosity towards your partner help you stay connected?

• Have you ever felt like you had to choose between work and love?

• Is it scary to you to communicate what you are really feeling?

• In what ways do you think the way you were raised in your family of origin play a role in what your partnership looks like?

• Jeff brought up some stats that pointed how we don’t tend to take our paid vacation days. Do you as a couple take time off together? If not, why?

• What is one thing you can do this week based on this conversation?

(Amazon affiliate links used when possible--purchasing through these links is an easy way to support the show. Or shop using www.SurvivingSarah.com/amazon and a portion of the what you buy will go back to the show.)

Connect with Jeff & André:  Website // Instagram // Podcast

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Thank you for following along life with me. I love being apart of your day. And as always, I hope this show helps you survive a little easier.

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