Episode 280: Ashley Abercrombie
I am so happy to welcome my friend, Ashely Abercrombie, back to the show. She is a speaker and writer whose authored the books Rise of the Truth Teller and Love is the Resistance. This latest book, Love is the Resistance, is all about learning to disagree and resolve the conflicts you’ve been avoiding. Sounds totally irrelevant, right? Note the sarcasm.
I think Ashley’s book, which comes out today, is so timely for the world in which we are living in. And for some of us, conflict is the word we would use to describe our homes and relationships. It doesn’t matter who you are, conflict is something that we all face. Ashely shares so many helpful things about handing conflict that I know its going to be helpful to you. In fact, listen up because she shares a phase to use that will help you enter into a conversation about a conflict. I literally took so many notes. You will definitely want to deep dive her book.
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Links mentioned:
Ashley’s book Love Is The Resistance
Survival Kit:
Good meals with her husband - Imperfect Foods
Takeaways:
If there is one word that describes what i feel a lot while raising girls it’s conflict. And really want peace but I’ve realized mostly through raising kids that my way of handling conflict and seeking peace is to avoid any situation that could brew conflict. I simply decide to move on but often in doing so, resentment rising to the surface. So this conversation really made me thing. It made me see how I need to practice entering into the conversation—even when I don’t want to. So that’s what I’m working on.
We need to get curious - Why do we do what we do? What are our triggers? Why do I respond this way?
When we lean into love, we experience a greater freedom in our lives.
Lean into questions and curiosity instead of right and wrong.
We all have capacity to change.
“A safe person draws us closer to God, draws us closer to others and helps us become the real person we were created to be.” Henry Cloud
When you go into a hard conversation where there is conflict say: "I don’t know how to have this conversation and I’m feeling very afraid to have it because conflict feels scary. But I do want to have this conversation. So I want you to know that what I say may come out the wrong way, but I care so much about our relationship so know that its from that place.”
It’s a dangerous place when we have lost our capacity to tolerate others.
Discussion Questions:
How did your family of origin handle conflict?
We all have moments where we feel like we are right and they are wrong. In what ways did you feel like you tend to focus on being right over being curious?
Ashley said that awareness is step one and that we have the capacity to change. What is one thing you can do to be more curious as is relates to how you answered the question before?
What is one thing you can do today based on this conversation?
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Connect with Ashley: Instagram // twitter // Website // Podcast // Facebook
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